November & December so far have been VERY difficult for me to remain cheerful and happy … I have had a variety of things go wrong that have rocked me off my feet.
Veterans Day … Monday Nov 11th … the darling doggie jumped on me and being in the middle of taking a step and being off-balance, I fell … HARD … forwards … on a living room chair – probably a wood frame underneath the blue fabric.
My left knee is still very sore to the touch a month later let alone walking on it but last week when my Grandson & I got stuck in the snow at his school and I did a lot of shoveling, I think I twisted it and injured it more. My right breast was terribly bruised and had a giant 6 inch lump in it from hitting the chair arm … my left knee landed on the floor … and two of my toes on my left foot were bent very painfully … jammed I think.
I have a life-long history of being a VERY awkward faller who tends to fall face forward … up the stairs instead of down … chest down on a chair like this time … sigh … I am not at all graceful at any time of my life but when falling, I am at my very least graceful and at risk of serious injury.
This particular fall and still trying to recover from the injuries has seriously brought to my mind that I really am a senior citizen and I have to be a LOT more cautious now. Being so very clumsy is not a life threatening problem for a younger woman – it could land me in the hospital with a broken something now that could cripple me if I am not more careful. I would have preferred a less painful wake up call
The darling doggie did NOT mean to hurt me … and if I had been paying more attention to my surroundings and her … I probably would not have fallen. This was all me and my fault … she was just being her normal doggie self!!!
December 3rd, my glasses broke. I can see to drive … blurrily but still safely … but I cannot read and everything near or far is blurry instead of crystal clear – and I am legally restricted to wearing my glasses to drive of course since I cannot read the signs without them.
Luckily I still had the prescription for new glasses that I got at my eye doctor appointment in November 2012 – yes … a year ago … being poor and making choices of what to buy or what not to buy based on day to day urgency led me to this incredibly frightening moment of my life.
I had NEVER had my glasses break on me before. When I worked, I replaced them regularly [usually every 2 years] so the frames never got anciently old and frail.
That pair of glasses was probably bought in 2007 … this is 2013 … the wire … thin & delicate looking anyway … around one of the lenses broke just above where the ear piece attached.
Pearle Vision here in Sioux Falls soldered them back together for me to get me through until they could make me new glasses – I was lucky enough that eye glass prescriptions are *generally* fillable for TWO years not one year. They warned me the solder was very thin and they could re-break at any time. Good news is that they did not
Bad news is that I spent my Christmas present money on new glasses. Yes I am BITTERLY disappointed that I cannot go buy any presents.
Ever since I got the news that I am “stuck” being disabled for the rest of my life with not being able to EVER go back to my “old” life … working and paying my bills and earning a living and being a happy productive “commercial” artist … I have been struggling with severe, life-altering depression and trying to find a reason for still existing.
I feel as if I were ROBBED and VIOLATED by this cognitive disorder.
I was living the “American Dream” that took me 35 years to get there … middle class prosperity … corporate art job that I loved & personal art career … brand new car … bought a house … spoiled my grandson … TWO packages of socks & TWELVE pairs of panties & SEVEN bras … all at once in my underwear drawer … I knew exactly who I was and my self worth/value was finally registering nearly normal like the rest of the world …
… then my world changed … AGAIN … it nose-dived off a cliff … and I have been bouncing on the bottom on the rocks ever since …
… and I am TRAPPED here at the bottom of this world … there is NO ESCAPE ahead … except Alzheimers or death … I have NOT yet learned how to give up TRYING to rise above where I landed … I am trying to remember to just admire the pretty rocks and enjoy the sunshine or the wind or the snow or the ice or the clouds and let life happen as it will without knocking me down into a dreary pity party where I feel miserable – I do NOT do miserable well … lol … but November and December 2013 seem determined to try to force me into that pity party hell and so far, I am still RESISTING